Margherita on gelato: “Those people from Milan, they don’t even know how to tell apart commercial gelato from artisanal one. Can you imagine?”

Olivier: “Were you in Miami for spring break???? Oh no. That sounds awfully disturbing.”

Robert on dieting: “I got a strange craving for a mega burrito right now. I’m trying to get fit though. Gotta stick to crying while I eat a banana. -I THINK CRYING BURNS SOME CALORIES-”

Overheard by Rachel in the library… one girl says, “did you hear Osama Bin Laden’s dead?” Other girl, “I didn’t even know he was a real person, I THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE UNCLE SAM.”

Bill on camping out at Joshua Tree National Park by himself and using a marshmallow bag for pillow (and then opting out): “If a coyote ate my face off because he was trying to get at my marshmallow pillow I would never be able to forgive myself”

Dilara on world sex: “If everybody was getting laid there would be no bitterness in the world”

Laurinda on doing yoga on nasty floors at UCSC: “They should put a sign up in the room that says: WARNING: Yoga at UCSC has been shown to cause facial fungus. Participants are encouraged to attend in a body condom/biohazard gear.”

Eddy Vien after hearing I woke up at 2pm: “SWEET CHICKENS!!”

“If your boyfriend wanted it up the butt would you do it to him?”

Kata after the 50th time  I kicked my pillow off my top bunk bed during my sleep: “Valentina your pillow is on the floor again. WHY DON’T YOU LOVE YOUR PILLOW???”

Marianna on the phone with her boyfriend in France while sitting next to me in California :” Yeah goodnight.I’m good. I’m about to cuddle with Valentina and pretend it’s you.”

Kata on me leaving for California: “After you leave, I’m gonna sit in the bakery all day like a lonely fatty eating pain au chocolat.”

Adam’s existential thoughts: “I don’t wanna think too much about things because when I think too much about things they usually end badly”

Andrew on Pop Chips: “These new “even crispier” chips are just too loud. I could not hear the TV last night while I was eating them or have a conversation. I’m thinking of writing the company and telling them that the older version was plenty crunchy.”

Girlfriend about her ex: “I was getting up early and exercising while he was sleeping and snoring and living the life of an ALCOHOLIC POTATO.”

Computer talks: Kata:”can I check my Facebook?” Me:” I’m not sure if my computer is on” Kat:’Yes it is, I can see it’s breathing!”

Roommate tuesday night conversations in Santa Cruz: Me: “Oh so what happened with that girl? Did you guys hook up?” Eric: “Well we didn’t have sex, but we made out. Like kinda gnarly.”

Girlfriend about her ex: “He’s such a dumb ass. I wouldn’t trust him with a PILE OF ROCKS.”

Laurinda on cultural differences in Europe: “Germany is not a place for feelings and such…they speak like:” We do this now” and “We go there”. You want emotions? Then go to Italy!”

Car rides: “DON’T VAFFANCULO ME!” Jean-Michel

Self reflections: “You know? I noticed I’m so into gossip. That’s weird.” Jean-Michel

California days: “Why would I go to Whole Foods and buy strawberries from Mexico if I can buy strawberries at the farmer’s market that come from California but are sold by a Mexican?”


Jean while drinking tea: “This jasmine tea smells like your room. I FEEL LIKE I’M DRINKING YOUR ROOM.”

College days: Me: “Adam can’t you see? The fact that we’re studying together makes us so much more productive!” Adam:” Really? I thought that it’s my multivitamins that I started taking yesterday that are making me focus!”

Adam on this new sugar-free diet:” I turned down a free piece of cake today! Isn’t that some serious shit? I thought I was a changed man, but clearly i’m not since I’m here eating chocolate and telling you this”

Costanza’s response to Cafe’ Gratitude’s hippie dishes called “I am Grateful, I Am Blissful, I Am Beautiful” “I want to open a restaurant across the street and create a menu that offers dishes like: “I’m a Whore, I’m a Doormat, I’m a Booty Call…-”

Jean-Michel after visiting Santa Cruz: “Every time I see a sea lion now I think of you”

Stefano as I put my glasses on during our Skype conversation:” What now? Are you gonna be a PORN SECRETARY??”

Margherita to explain someone’s unsolicited confession:” You always show your best cards when you’re about to lose.”

Adam at a party: “That girl is totally dumb, she has the I.Q. of a wall”

Laurinda: “Werewolves don’t wear loafers!”


High Sierra music festival night talk- guy high on mushrooms yelling from inside  his tent in the middle of the night- “WHY isn’t my sleeping bag working?! WHY ISN’T MY SLEEPING BAD WOOORKING!!?? It won’t open! What have I done to deserve this!!??”

Ikea talks: Me: “Adam, how did your Ikea trip go? Did you buy that pressure cooker??” Adam:” What? Do I have the SWEATSHIRT HOOKER??”

Costanza on the car on the way back from Burning MAn: “My car is so dusty. It looks like it has gone to war and then became a submarine”

Costanza on using camels as mode of transportation at Burning Man:”It might not be a bad idea to use camels to get around. I think camels are pretty tamed. It would be hard to get into a camel accident”

Costanza on hitting deer on the road “I’m not sure what the procedure for running deer over is, but it can’t be easy”

Adam at Cafe’ Gratitude while sitting in a room full of women :”Am I the only guy here? I feel like I’m about to SPROUT A BOOB”

Andrew while smelling my perfumes:” This perfume smells just like your typical girl perfume. This is what I imagine every girl’s boobs to smell like, right in the middle.”

Drunken phone conversations with Andrew: Me:”Andrew, It’s so warm here, i’m only wearing a tank top”. Andrew:”What? You’re wearing your PINK SOCKS? Sorry I’m kinda drunk.”

Ariane: “What time is it?” Me: “It’s MIDNIGHT AND A HALF.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s