Why I Quit Using Tinder

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So I joined Tinder.

I didn’t really put that much effort in it, I mean, you are choosing people based on their appearance.

The few messages I got weren’t very exciting.

And then I matched with a person who seemed pretty cool.

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He lived in my area, and just like me he was passionate about travel, the outdoors, the occasional year at Burning Man and an otherwise laid-back lifestyle.

We hung out twice, just as friends. Had great conversation, drank ice tea, talked about dangerous animals in Australia and watched Family Guy.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly and It was even hard not to get ahead of the game.

He disliked cold weather too and asked me to travel together. Does it get much better than that?

Then I left town to travel, and that’s when our relationship shifted to texting.

Texting was exciting and fun with lots of flirtation, checking in, sharing photos.

There was a lot of anticipation for my return, for the chance to get together and explore, hike, eat ribs, and have fun.

But as soon as I got back, text miscommunications began.

I could be wrong, but I think I was being a bit emotional and impulsive on my end because he was getting cold feet and not showing up for the occasion on his end. Clearly things weren’t running smoothly  for either of us in the context.

We exchanged a few nasty text messages , followed by longer, explanatory messages describing our resentment for each other which lead to further messages that indicated the end of our so-called “relationship”.

There was no more progressing in a great connection, and all because some of some stupid text messages.

I felt talking would solve what I perceived as a minor hiccup, but he was not willing to discuss over the phone.

In the end, I wanted to make amends, and he did not.

So that was the end.

I was pretty upset.

I mean, why bother with all the texting if you’re not going to stick it out?

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And then I realized that through texting  I was able to convince myself he was everything I wanted, but really he wasn’t

Texting didn’t allow me to see his cowardliness and his inability to express emotions in real life. Because texting is easy, it’s fun, it’s light. It’s also superficial and shallow. All the texting and no talking however showed me his lack of communication skills. (Read more on texting here). Yes, I believe talking on the phone would have given me more perspective on his character.

So I had to separate the person I had created in my mind from the person he really was. Which in the end is someone I did not want to be with anyways.

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I’ve had friends say to me:”Welcome to the online dating world, where you are meeting random people to see if you have a connection, and if you don’t, you simply walk away. It’s rare when it does work out, most of the time you don’t click with people and you move on.”

But once for me was enough.

So  I quit Tinder all together.

If you’re using it for something quick, it’s probably a good option.

But let’s assume I never joined Tinder.

I probably would have never even met this guy (and then I could have spared myself the hassle!). Or maybe I would have, and then we would have exchanged a few words, followed by phone numbers over time before we hung out as friends.

And then I would have gotten a chance to really know him.

But Tinder accelerated the whole process.

From the moment we met, we both knew we were there to date. We both knew we were attracted to each other. There was no guessing, no wondering, not a whole lot of thought behind it.

And within the first week, we were already discussing future travels.

In other words, we burned through so many stages of getting to know one another.

By the end of our stint, we were fighting like a couple on the verge of a break-up.

In fact, we did break up. And we hadn’t even kissed.

Sounds a little ridiculous, doesn’t it?

So I learned my lesson.

I will meet people through real experiences. Through real interactions.  And rather than texting, I will pick up the phone and call.

What are your experiences with Tinder?

Did you have successful or frustrating interactions?

Drop me a comment!

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6 thoughts on “Why I Quit Using Tinder

  1. Hi!
    Another revealing and revelatory post!

    I always enjoy reading your writing and learn from it!


    You are on My A plus list!

    Lynda Beth❤️❤️

  2. Tinder is a tool, and like any other tool, how you use it matters. So if you prefer finding potential mates through personal encounters, that’s great. Ideally, we’d all meet our significant others through our family and friends…usually that ensures shared common values.

    But in today’s world though, that’s far less common. Just as you might see someone you find attractive in a social situation, on-line dating apps provide the same opportunity of seeing someone we find attractive, but with some important benefits. And potential downsides too, as you’ve experienced.

    The benefits are that you can find matches who you find attractive, who live close to you, and have some shared interests, before you’ve even said hello. Although it sounds clinical and not romantic, finding a match is a numbers game. And on-line dating helps us to find the person with whom we want to spend time by dramatically increasing the numbers.

    That’s not to say it doesn’t come with lots of potential pitfalls too. A big one is that some people treat it as a game. Many matches don’t reply or message each other once matched. So why are they on a dating website? Its like seeing someone you find attractive in a social situation, indicating somehow that you’re interested, and then ignoring them when that person approaches to say hello.

    Once you have found someone on a dating app, what happens next ought to follow the same steps when meeting someone in person. However you meet them though, you can still take short cuts that may be a bad idea.

    In your specific example, it appears you had different expectations and styles of communication that perhaps could have been resolved by speaking instead of texting…or you may have just quickly discovered an incompatibility, saving you a lot of wasted time.

  3. What about yoga date?

    im quite impressed how you expose your life… i have lots of troubles expressing feelings and emotions… and reading this gives the idea that writing could be a good therapy and bridge to become aware and proud of those feelings….

  4. Valentina,

    Loved reading this! Glad to see you are doing well with your travels! You could have asked me my thoughts on tinder and I could have saved you the hassle 🙂

    I’ll give you a text soon. Take care and keep posting! Your writing is exceptional!

    Mad love,

    Mike from Portland

  5. Pingback: Break-Ups Hurt |

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